Leggy's Diary Ehem, sorry, Journal
by KERNTKitty
Summary: After a long absence, the fourth chapter of Leggy's torturous time with the Fellowship! Insane randomness, an arrogant, stupid prince, and character bashing at its best... er, worst, since it's me doing it. Enjoy! CHAPTER FOUR UP!
1. So the Horror Begins

**He hates it when I call it a diary. He's a guy, so it has to be "journal." Sorry. This is quite random, and a bit idiotic, but RER! That is, Read, Enjoy and Review!**

**The Diary of Legolas**

Here begins the diary of Legolas, son of Thranduil, son of... oh, forget it! I'm a Elfy prince, and this is my little notebook. Got it? Good. A couple things you should know about me before I start. I have the shiniest blonde hair in Mirkwood, I'm awesome with a bow, and I like to kill little nasty slimy things called Orcs, bigger nasty slimy things called Uruk-hai, and the occasional Gollum. Leave the Balrogs to Glorfindel and that wizardy guy. I'm scared of- I mean, they're too simple for such an Elf as me. Yeah, that's it.

**Go to council**

Ok, so Elrond whoever-his-guy calls a pow-wow at his crib. Once arriving in a totally cool, totally princey-who-thinks-he's-a-king way, I go to said meeting. Little shrimpy guy has shiny ring that has some sort of magnetic power over some chunky Gondorian's hand. Elrond and that wizardy guy with the pointy hat that I know I've met before make a big to-do over it and call it Some Thing, or the One Ring, or whatever they said. They say it has to be destroyed. Yeah, melt it down and make earrings for meeeeee! Wait, that's Gollum, sorry.

**Wizardy guy yells some weirdo language that makes the sky go dark**

And Elrond gets mad at him. Good, I think that wind ruffled my hair. I wonder if Glorfy's got a brush on him. Uh-oh, now some crazy dwarf tried to smack the Some Thing. I mean, the One Thing. I mean, the Some Ring. Grrr! I know what I mean. Anyway, the dwarf's axe shattered into pieces smaller than his brain. Meaning submicroscopic. I don't like dwarves.

**Ranger with dirty hair and a squeaky voice starts yelling, too, but in a language I understand**

"You cannot wield it! None of us can" Chunky Gondorian gets sassy, I be oh-so-noble (once I remember who this squeaky-voiced guy is) and recite his lineage all the way back to the beginning of the Third Age. Really, I could have just said"He's a king, got it, Chunko" But I felt like rattling off a list of names. Then Aragorn Squeak-voice acted like I did something wrong and told me to sit down. Yes, Master! Just because I decided to say you're a king doesn't mean you can pull rank on a prince.

**Now everybody starts yelling**

And of course I act noble again and save the brainless dwarf from my friends who want to kill him. Not that I would protest, I just wanna look good. Now little shrimpy guy says he'll take the Thing. I mean- whatever! Stupid short guy. Now Aragorn says he's gonna go with him, though I don't see why, he's just gonna get himself killed. Uh-oh, I think I'm supposed to go with him now. I don't wanna go! Waaaahhh! I mean, why should I go? Alright, alright, I'll do it, but not happily.

**One of my friends tells me I get to kill stuff if I go**

And I dash over there and tell the little guy that he has my bow, or something like that. That doesn't mean you can use it, shrimp! That means that I get to act cool when you're about to get killed and slaughter something. Yay! Oh, no. Valar, what next? Anything but the dwarf. He had to go getting all heroic"You have my axe" and all that. Too bad there's no brain to go along with his axe.

**Dwarf and I exchange looks**

And if looks could kill, we'd both be dead. But he'd be more dead than me. Cuz I hate Dwarves more than he hates Elves. Although that axe looks pretty scary. I mean, ehem, he looks like he might be a fair warrior, but much too short.

**Yagh! I mean- Ai! More shrimps!**

That's right! FOUR of 'em. What is up with that, man? But so anyway, more ho-hum about the thingy-thinga-ma-bobber, and off we go to Mordor! And I sing this to the tune of 'Jimmy Crack Corn:' "Gonna get killed, and I don't care, gonna get killed and I don't care, gonna get killed, and I don't care, cuz there are things to slay, HEY" Alright, one more time! ...Or NOT, you don't have to look at me like that, Elrond. He always spoils my fun. Ada is the same way. So off we go, and what a fun time we are going to have! And I say that with the utmost sarcasm.

**What do you think? This might be a one-shot, just because I don't have the sense of humor for much more of this. But we'll have to see. Anyways, RR!**

**Legolas: What's Are-and-Are?**

**Kalayna: Rolls eyes For how long you've been watching me do this, you really are dense if you haven't figured it out yet. RR. It means Read and Review. In other words, I want people to read it, then tell me what they think about it.**

**Legolas: What if they don't like it? innocent puppy eyes**

**Kalayna: resists the urge to melt at that look Then they don't, and they flame me. And I blow it off because this is an insane piece of randomness anyhow! Peoples, just review!**


	2. Here We Go Again

**Wow, I was so amazed by how many reviews I got that I had to write another chapter! Besides, Legolas was so thrilled (even though I'm making fun of him) that he threatened to hurt me if I didn't do this. He forced me to sit down and write. I put review responses at the end because there were so many... XD XD WARNING: Lots of character-bashing in this. Sorry, guys!**

**Kalayna: Legolas, you can put the bow away now, I'm writing it!  
****Legolas: Of course you are, Kalayna. I shall put it away. For now. This Are-and-Are thing really works!  
****Kalayna: Ooog. You guys better enjoy this, you don't know what I'm going through.**

Here is continued the continuation of- wait, that doesn't make sense. This is the next part of my incredibly wonderful adventure about things I can kill! OK, so everybody else thinks it's about the thingamajig that shrimpy guy has, but they're just all sadly mistaken. Everything revolves around me! But of course, since they don't know that, they pay me no attention at all. Buggers.

**We get to that rocky spot thingy where we get to rest**

Not that I need to rest or anything. I'm an Elf, for Valar's sake, I don't need rest. Ha-ha. Therefore the reason I see the crowy thingies first. For once, the other peoples actually pay attention to me, and thank goodness gracious they listened! Under the bushes, and hidden away. No way they saw us. Or maybe they did, thanks to the Dwarf's bushy flamin' red beard. I wish I could have shot them. Roast crowy things for lunch!

**Once they're gone we head up Caradhras**

Of course no one bothers to ask O incredibly wise me where we should go. Doesn't matter that I would have chosen mountain to cave any day of the week anyway. Caves are scary... never mind, forget I said that. So up over the mountain, and of course I get to show off my wonderfullness again by walking on the snow. Stars, I'm gonna kill that Sour Manny guy, he messed up my beautiful hair when he dropped that snow on us! But then again, he gave me another chance to show off the greatness of me when I saved Gandalf and came up from that nasty cold white stuff first.

**Shrimpy Thing-Wearer says we're going through those danged caves**

And I don't mention that I'd really like to leave this quest right about now. But since Gandalf seems so freaked about trying to go in there, there must be something worth fighting somewhere in it. So I decide I'll stay. But that could change quickly! Don't forget that. Ugh, why did I ever do this to begin with? Oh yeah, 'cuz I wanted to kill stuff. That's looking to be less and less fun.

**I killed that Watcher thing!**

I'm the hero, I'm the hero, I'm the hero, yeah, yeah... Uh-huh! This is getting better with every arrow I shoot. And now I get to tease the Dwarf. Nah-nah, your house is a tomb, nany-nany-boo-boo! And of course I also get to identify the arrows. Goblinesque, of course. Anybody who knew the least thing about arrows would know that. It helps that they say "Goblin arrow" on them- oops! No, I didn't say a thing, Aragorn. Whew, that was close!

**Drums in the deep...**

Oh, give me a break. "They have a cave-troll," says Bora-weird, as I have come to not-so-affectionately call him. No, really? I couldn't tell that by the noise the thing's making. Oh, well. Kill, kill, kill! And of course I'm the one to finally get rid of the troll, nasty thing that it is, and showing off my tightrope (or chain) walking, too. Elves are wonderful balancers, we are. Is balancers a word? I dunno. Who cares.

**"Ai! Ai! A Balrog!"**

Oh, that has got to be one of my most embarrassing moments... And then, "Run, run, run, as fast as you can, you can't help me, I'm an old fat man!" Or at least I think that was what Gandalf said before he fell. At least he got rid of that Balrog before he kicked the bucket. Because of that, I'll pretend I'm sad he's gone. He was too bossy for me anyway.

**And we meet Haldir in the Golden Wood**

Whoah! I remembered the name of the place AND the person! I'm on a roll. Oh, and Hal, buddy, I totally agree with you about the Dwarf. I wish I had shot him, in the dark or light, I don't care which. Man, he's got a foul mouth on him! That jumble of sounds was NOT so nice! At least, that's what I saw from Aragorn's reaction. He said it too fast for me to process what he said. I mean, that's only because I like to soak in information slowly, it's not like I'm dense, or anything... whatever. Let's go meet this Lady Whoever.

**Meet freaky Lady with scary big eyes**

What was her name? Glad-you're-real, or something like that? Yeah, I'm glad I'm real, too. It would be so sad if wonderful Leggy were just a dream... Hey, get out of my mind, you crazy woman! Yeah, you! Fine, be that way, missy grumpy-pants. Ask before you go yelling at somebody in their head next time. And by the way, I'm not the prideful snit, you are!

**Have lots of fun wandering around in pretty forest**

Lots different than the place back home, really it is. Do we have to leave? Oh, that's right, Aragorn's in charge now, la-di-dah. I shoulda been the one to take over when Gandalf decided to fall off the cliff. I _am_ quite a few years older than that wierdo, anyhow. Wait, the Gondorian's the weirdo, the Ranger is the stinky one. I hadn't mentioned that before, had I? You'd never guess that guy actually grew up around us beautiful, wonderful-smelling Elves! He smells (and looks) more like he grew up with... trolls or something. I hope he doesn't read this. His sword's longer than my knife and he has a thing for sneaking up on me.

**Park the boats and sit around for a while**

Oh yeah, and the Thing-wearer is missing. Big deal, who cares! He may be stupid, but he's got enough brains in his head to find his way down a hill back to us. Or maybe I'm thinking too highly of him. Oh, boy. Uruks, that's trouble, there. But guess what? More killing! I think I'm beginning to enjoy this. Fighting really is so much fun!

**Kill most of the things**

But somehow Bora-weird manages to get himself killed and the shrimpy guys manage to get carried offnot the Thing-wearer and his little slave, they left in the boats and deserted us, the little bugger. Let's hear it for brains! But I'm pretending I'm sad (I do this a lot really) because I have to keep up appearances, so Ada always says. So anyhoo, we shove Bora-weird over a big waterfall (we shoulda done that a long time ago) and get on our way. For once I agree with you, Stinky. Let's hunt some Orc.

**Boo-hoo, the Dwarf's tired**

But of course I'm not. It's _only_ been three days of running, after all, and who needs water, or food, or whatever? Ugh, I'm gonna die. But it'd be humiliating at this point, so I'll have to keep it up until I find a place where I can collapse and die without anyone seeing me. Yeah, sounds like a good plan. Maybe once I show off my nobility by almost killing this horse-dude I can find a nice, quiet place to die.

**Horse-dude gives us horses**

Oh my Valar. I totally take back what I said about killing Éomer. I even learned his name, and I will be forever grateful to him. Horses! No more running! What I don't understand is why we can't just go with him and his buddies. They look much more inviting than tracking a bunch of Uruks. I mean, two shrimps aren't that big a deal! They're probably evil creature chow by now anyway. I tell you, if I were in charge, there's be some changes around here! But for now I'll be happy with horses.

**Whole bunch of walking through a freaky old forest, and something's coming**

Gah! Don't hurt me! Wait... Gandalf? Oh no, why him? He has got to be indestructible. Grrr. At least now he's in charge and not the Stinkbomb. But bossy as ever, I see. Ah, what good is it anyway? They never listen to me.

**Yeah, Rohan, save a king, all that**

OK, so _I_ didn't save the king. But I kept the soldiers away while Gandalf saved the king. But did I get any credit? Nooooo. At least we get a real bed for like the first time in forever.

**What do you_ mean_ we're leaving?**

Just when I get all comfortable here, we have to leave again. No respect at all, I tell you. This place- Helm's Deep, right? Yay, I remembered!- sounds much too cave-like for its own good. And mine. Oh, well, nothing for it. At least it sounds like there might be more fighting. That's always fun. As long as I don't get hurt. So, off we go again, and at least the shrimpy guys are gone. Most of them, as I give the Dwarf the evil eye.

**Wow. That took forever to come up with. I don't have to do another one, do I? Vote yes/no, and I'll see what I can do. Personally, I don't think this one is as funny as the last, but hey... if you like it, it works for me!**

**Kalayna: Happy, Legolas?  
****Legolas: You forgot something...  
****Kalayna: rolls eyes Oh, yeah. Sorry. R&R, people! He's become obsessed with that...  
****Legolas: Grins widely Yay.**

**Avalon Estel: **It's so much easier to write in slang than proper grammar! Thanks, and here's a second helping!

**crazyfrasier: **I am writing more! See, see?

**Deana: **Yeah, that was one of my fave lines too. Glad you like it!

**ginnyweasel108: **Ha, I know how she feels. I can't believe I wrote it! I LOVE Leggy!  
**Legolas in background: Awww, you do? How sweet...  
**Oh, and ginnyweasel says hi, Leggy.  
**Legolas: Hi ginnyweasel!**

**Laiquendi: **I'm so glad you like my poems and stuff! Boromir went bad, that's what he did! Incredibly insightful Legolas could see that coming a mile off. I like Borry, too, though.

**Mystic-Fae: **How could I resist those puppy-dog eyes? Though I would like it much better coming from Leggy... heehee. Well, have a happy, bright day!

**Tartan: **Ta-da! Here's your award! **I hereby present this award to Tartan for giving me my first-ever flame! Congratulations! **(BTW, if you hadn't figured it out, I'm not quitting.)

**Legolas' Girl 9:** Awww... I hope you're not dead. I want your review. :) Leggy, Legolas' Girl 9 sends her love.  
**Legolas: How sweet- but I still love Kalayna more!**

**the7bells:** Ewww. Keep the peas and carrots. I'll give you another chapter for free.

**person who likes gettin critical:**You're so kind. Yes, I am dissin' Aragorn. But I'm dissin' everybody, especially the characters I love! So feel good, that means I LOVE Aragorn!

**Crazy Hyper Lady: **Thank you! Hopefully this one is as good.

**Eclypse:** Thank you!

**Kiana: **You are my best buddy forever! I love people who add me to their favorite authors/stories list- huggles Avie, who has done both!


	3. And the Terror Continues

**Do you guys know what you've done to me, sending me all those reviews telling me to do another chapter? You should have seen the look on my face when I saw the reviews- a combination of happiness and horror. Then Legolas came up behind me. Let me give you a glimpse of that unpleasant conversation.**

**Legolas: Wow, lots of reviews.  
****Kalayna, looking more than a bit bleary-eyed: Yeah.  
****Legolas: Well, get started on another chapter already!  
****Kalayna: yawns Not now, it's 12:30 in the morning!  
****Legolas: Draws bow and points Get to it, or I won't speak to you forever!  
****Kalayna: Wonders how in the world he manages to mix an absolutely adorable expression with an heart-rending threat OK, OK!**

**Once again, enjoy my suffering. Legolas is loving it, of course.**

**  
**

Here we go again, but the less introduction, the better. Let's get down to the matter at hand. My miserable journey to the stone horribleness that's waiting for me.

**Stinky guy falls off a cliff**

OK, so maybe my fortunes are improving! I'm getting really good at pretending I'm sad about the death of my 'comrades.' Except that the darn bossy people won't stay dead! As I think in disgust of Gandalf. But at least Stinky's dead now. No way he survived that 'little tumble off the cliff,' as that dying thing called it. I wish I coulda killed him before he died himself. The Orc, I mean, not Stinky. I don't hate him quite that much.

**So off we go again, and get to that Helm's Rock thing.**

This is so worse than I thought. It's crowded, and full of people whose smell reminds me of Aragorn, and it's a big thing made out of rock like a cave, and there's not a tree in sight. Curses! Oh well. May as well make the best of it. Think of Stinky and smile, that's it, Leggy. Woo-hoo! Oh yeah, and Gandalf's gone, forgot to mention that part. That makes me happy for a while, except that he actually plans to come back. Hopefully he won't.

**HE'S BACK! NO!**

I command you to get away, evil ghost from the abyss! But no. All I can say is "You're late. You look terrible," and hand him his stupid necklace, because I have to keep up this noble act. I'm gettin' about tired of reappearing, bossy dead people and having to keep my good reputation going. But all in the name of the Quest, right? Right, the Quest I could care less about as long as I get to hurt something along the way. I'm mean like that.

**What are you TALKING about, 10,000 Uruks!**

Whoah, man, you know, a few hundred, that I could do. But 10,000? NO WAY! I mean, we have to draw limits here, man. A little kid with a sword? A grizzled, scary old guy with a bow? We are so doomed. And for once, I stand up for myself, forget the noble act, and tell reincarnated Stinky so. What did he have to get so mad about? He knows it's true! Oh, well, there's no reasoning with a guy like that.

**Decide to go tell Stink-o I'm sorry.**

Let me give you an evaluation on that (un)pleasant conversation.

Me, as I grit my teeth and hand him his sword: "Forgive me," _because I'm going to go hide behind a wall while you go off and command troops, "_I was wrong to despair,_" since YOU'RE the one who's gonna get his head cut off anyway._

Stinky: "There is nothing to forgive."

Blech! If Stinks knew what I was thinking, he'd be singing a different tune. Not that he can carry the tune he's singing now very well. Oh, well. Off to battle! We're all gonna die, we're all gonna die. I'm so encouraging.

**And now it starts raining.**

How positively dismal. I'm proud of myself! "Positively" and "dismal" are some of the vocabulary words Ada makes me memorize. Yipe! It's raining on my hair- I might get wet- MY BRAIDS MIGHT COME OUT! Valar save me! Oh yeah, and while you're at it, Manwe dude, curse Stinks to the Void. 'Kays? And you might save my life, too.

**Haha! I'm winning!**

"I'm on seventeen!" Do you know how great it felt to say that? He's on two. Oh, yeah, like he could ever hope to compare with me, the great prince with sparkling blue eyes, perfectly combed blond hair, and flawless skin. Oh yeah, and a killer aim with a bow, that helps when fighting a hopeless battle. At least I'll have the glory of having beaten this imbecilic (another vocabulary word) shrimp before I die. (A/N: Doesn't he wish!)

**Gandalf just came back and saved our butts.**

Yeah, OK, so I have to be a little grateful, I guess. Smile and nod, that's it. But guess what? He brought Eomer with him! Remember him? The guy whose name I learned because he gave us horses. I could still be his slave for eternity, just because he saved my poor, perfect, exhausted legs.

**I gloatingly announce my total kills to the Dwarf and- WHAT?**

No way. No way. Stagger, gag, retch, stumble, be horrified. He did not say what I think he just said! LIAR! But it would be unlordly (blech!) to say that, so instead I try to regain my shattered honor by attacking the wounded, helpless orc pinned beneath this shrimp's far-too-padded bottom. Wait, the wounded, helpless thing doesn't look great on my record, so make it "ferocious but slightly battle impaired." This diary- whoops, journal- is going to need some major editing before I sell it as "Leggy's Fabulous Memoirs on the Big Killing Spree (Lesser Known as the Quest of the Ring)", as which it will of course become a national- no, international- atmospherical- galactical- universal- there we go, universal bestseller!

**Yes, I know, I know, short chapter! But I had to cut it off with the end of The Two Towers, right? Actually that's just an excuse for the fact that I am totally creative humored-out for the time being (and the last few weeks, which is why this has been so slow in coming). I think Legolas is satisfied with this. Actually, he'd better be, because this is the best he's getting out of me for a while. **

**Legolas: I'm appeased... for now. glaring at Kalayna and fingering bow  
****Kalayna: gulps Come on, can't you let me rest from this slave labor for at least a little bit?  
****Legolas: grins wickedly Never, never.**


	4. Insult upon Insult

**Yes, I know. Please don't kill me. It's been, like, a year and forever since I last updated. But...ummm...Leggy went away for while (right...) and there went my inspiration (ahem) threats! So, here we go, and let's hope I can get back into the swing of stupidity!**

**Legolas: HOW long did you tell them I was away?  
Kalayna: Well...a long time?  
Legolas: It was TWO DAYS!  
Kalayna: Legolas! I suggest you shut your pie hole right now before you get me murdered!  
Legolas: Pie hole? I don't get it...  
Kalayna: Ugh. Read this. (tosses him Kalayna's Dictionary of English Slang and Figures of Speech)**

Alright, so the wonderfulness of me and the terribleness of...well, of everybody else...begins RIGHT NOW! So listen up.

**Went to scary wizard-tower thingy and found tiny shrimps**

You know, these guys are really starting to irritate me. These two little shrimpy things, Wedding and Peppy, I think? I mean, here we are, going on a valiant trek, risking life and limb to save them (code for me being dragged along by a stinky dude with delusions of grandeur, a cocky trick magician, and a sassy dwarf). We find them, and what are they doing? Smoking, drinking, eating decent food--all the things I COULD be doing if I hadn't decided to go on this feral hen hunt (what? It's "wild goose chase"? Right, I knew that). Anyway, the shrimps are bugging me.

**Confront owner of scary wizard-tower thingy all by me lonesome...**

Alright, maybe I had a little help. But I was the action! The only thing the other less important people did was flap their jaws and yell for a while, just distracting until I could shoot the slimy Wormy dude that I KNOW I've met before... Anyway, it was all my doing, and once again no credit. Is it just me, or am I the only one who recognizes the greatness of me, ME, MEEE? Oookay, apparently so. I see how it is.

**Little shrimpy dude finds bad-looking bowling ball and gets in trouble!**

Nah-nah-nah-nah-nah! For once it's not me the mean old bossy Gandoofus is yelling at! I give Peppy a stern look, of course, but on the inside... HAHAHA! Then it's back to horsey-castle, where my best friend and hero Eomer is. Of everybody in this whole Middle Earth, I like Eomer the best. He saved my life by giving me horses. Smile!

**Um, you would think that you would leave the evil bowling ball ALONE!**

But NO. Not the stupid shrimp. He's got to go PLAY with it. Ay-yay-yeesh! Little shrimps. Gotta hate 'em. At least his little seizure of fire got him a quick ticket to elsewhere, and got rid of Gandoofus in the bargain! If I'd known it would do all that, I would have handed it to him personally!

**OK, so now we have to go save Stinky's city?**

Uh, one question...WHY? I don't mind killing more things, of course, but puh-leeze. Why is EVERY battle we fight because if we don't fight it, the race of Men goes bye-bye? Has anyone else noticed that little trend? Sigh. I guess I can handle it, as long as slaughter is involved! Off we go to the Whitewashed City!

**Dead army, big scary mountain, TERROR!**

No me likey caves, no me likey caves, where's my teddy bear, aaaagh! I don't wanna do this! I have gotten so good at putting this little mask on my face and being trembling with terror on the inside. I mean, as far as Stinky and the red-bearded ogre know, I'm so-cool elfy dude. Let's keep it that way! The prince of Mirkwood is frightened of no one and nothi--yaaah! Was that a bat? OK, so now the dead army's fighting for us, and I feel a wee teensy bit better about our odds--BUT NOT MUCH!

**That--that dratted Dwarf knocked my shot!**

How dare he? How DARE he? HOW DARE HE? You get the point. Wait... huh. He made me kill something. Cool! I am grudgingly grateful--what? No, I take it back, I'm not. Never. How could an elf be...ugh...grateful to a dwarf? Anyway, onto the pirate ships we go, and the hold isn't homey, but it's a place to sleep (while the other guys sail, heehee).

**Weee! Over the side we go, with such a pretty landing...**

On my part, that is. The Dwarf was just...awful. Have you ever watched a goose land? Yeah. And Stinky...nothing special to speak of. Me, I landed light as a dove on my toes after leaping from the deck and soaring like the bluebird--FEMININE! Who said that? You are on the top of my hit list now, buddy--I broke a nail. Oh, my.

**I killed the Oliphaunt, hey! I killed the Oliphaunt, ha!**

Rejoice, all ye peoples, at the gloriousness that is me! Can't you just hear those fangirls cooing? Yeah! Scaling the side of a monstrous beast--who, by the way, seriously needed moisturizer and a better toothpaste--to bring it down with several perfectly aimed arrows through the skull. I rock. I am the undisputed best.

**What does he MEAN, it only counts as one!**

That is beyond toleration. Would it be all that bad if the Dwarf somehow fell on the field, his tragic demise brought about by an Easterling arrow (fired from an Elven bow)? He'd never know what hit him, right, and no one would ever guess. Poor, poor shrimpy. NOT! On second thought, I'd better not do that. It would look much better for me to save him from some ugly Orc. Yeah. Good plan. I'm gonna win in the end anyway.

**Well, it's about TIME this battle ended!**

For once, I'm actually glad the fighting's over. I'm REALLY tired. In fact, I'm so exhausted I'm about ready to fall over. I almost got killed a couple times, my clothes are all dirty, and absolutely worst of all, I think my hair has flyaways! Noooooo! I must see this place's best hairdresser immediately. Stinky and the Boys can clean up this mess. By the way, the Steward jumped off the wall--Stewhead, I think is the better name for him--his son's just about dead (uh, that's Bora-weird's brother), the horsey princess almost got killed (which is only upsetting because she's related to Eomer, my idol), and Wedding might not make it (ha! Revenge for the smoking and drinking and salted pork). And the horsey-king is dead, too. I never particularly didn't like him, and he's Eomer's uncle, so I might be able to pull an especially sad face for his funeral. Although that makes Eomer king now--a pretty good step up, if you ask me. Lucky duck. At least he's heir to a MORTAL throne. Me, I have to wait until my Ada DECIDES he's done being a rich, all-powerful, luxurious-living, mighty, and honored king so I can take the spot instead. How likely is THAT to happen? How about not? Grrr.

**OK, that's gonna be it for now, and I know they're not as good as the other chapters. I would have finished off the 3rd movie (needless to say, this doesn't follow the books), but I want to have a little left for another chapter. Next chapter: the battle at the Black Gate, the coronation ceremony, and an explanation of Legolas' actions after the end of the books. Adios, amigos! Thanks for reading and I'm sorry it's been so long. Senior year of high school and all. Bye!**

**Legolas: AHEM.  
Kalayna: Ah, yes, I was about to say that. R&R, PLEASE, everybody! Put down the knife, Legolas. You have a sea of fanmail waiting in the other room. Why don't you go open it?  
Legolas: (eyes light up with excitement) FAN mail? YES! puts on the Schwarzenegger voice I'll be back.  
Kalayna: groans Please don't be. OK, y'all, later! Hopefully not too much later.**


End file.
